Crudbump: Rap & Beats
Married To The Sea archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
 

07-31-07: friends dead

Married To The Sea comic: friends dead * Text: 

Oh, no, it isn't much fun at all taken on its own. Compared to thinking about how all my friends are dead, though, needlepoint is fine.

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07-30-07: bonsai

Married To The Sea comic: bonsai * Text: 

If a bonsai tree were a person, they would live in a special house. A special house for retards.

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07-28-07: been on a boat

Married To The Sea comic: been on a boat * Text: 

Well, I don't know either, ma'am. Have you been on a boat lately?

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07-27-07: oral styles of the 1800s

Married To The Sea comic: oral styles of the 1800s * Text: 

This is simply delicious, Elizabeth. What is it?


My excised labia and clitoris.

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07-26-07: dark lord

Married To The Sea comic: dark lord * Text: 

Fifteen shillings?! I encourage you to double-check the price, chemist, or I shall go next door to purchase my suppositories from the skeletal Dark Lord on Pharmacy Street.

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07-25-07: weather ship

Married To The Sea comic: weather ship * Text: 

Today's weather...thirty percent chance of showers...sixty percent chance of rope.

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07-24-07: horsefight

Married To The Sea comic: horsefight * Text: 

Men! Stop your horse-fight at once! Your difference will be settled in an honorable manner! Dismount at once and follow me to the message board.

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07-23-07: bitchinest

Married To The Sea comic: bitchinest * Text: 

This has got to be the bitchin'est way to travel.


No, man, when we get those trains ridin' on a zeppelin, and the zeppelin is on a huge boat, then it'll be the bitchin'est.

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07-22-07: helmet like this

Married To The Sea comic: helmet like this * Text: 

Fools! You shall pay dearly! Cast your eyes upon mine helmet...it is shaped like this!

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07-21-07: les bloggeurs

Married To The Sea comic: les bloggeurs * Text: 

Drive? You want us...to drive you? Non, my friend. We are bloggeurs.

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07-20-07: juggalo aggression

Married To The Sea comic: juggalo aggression * Text: 

On April 14, 1865, then-President Abramam Lincoln was assassinated by

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07-19-07: five for five

Married To The Sea comic: five for five * Text: 

My emperor! What can I bring to you and your crew for your journey?


Do they still have five-for-five?


Yes, my emperor! The deal stands!


Excellent. Bring me...FOUR HUNDRED ARBYS!

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07-18-07: church bar

Married To The Sea comic: church bar * Text: 

This church is gorgeous! But it seems to be entirely devoid of skanks...I shall remove the pews, and create a refuge for skanks world-wide.


By the divine power of ruffle-butt, I hereby claim this church in the name of now it's a bar.

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07-17-07: last circles

Married To The Sea comic: last circles * Text: 

I see that none of you have circles...well, I'd like to introduce you to a little something I call shoulder circles.

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07-16-07: childrens crusade

Married To The Sea comic: childrens crusade * Text: 

Ass! Did I or did I not tell you to come outside half an hour ago?! You missed the Children's Crusade. If you ever want to see thousands of chidren die, you'd better pray for school tornadoes.

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07-15-07: sailors favorite

Married To The Sea comic: sailors favorite * Text: 

Okay. Camera's running? Hat's on...Ready? All right. This is Sailor's Favorite Cum Bucket, take one.

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07-14-07: in between vases

Married To The Sea comic: in between vases * Text: 

Well, I'm actually kinda in-between jobs right now. Every damn place I talk to wants to give me a vase test. Like they really need to know what I do when I go home.


Up here on the right. The one with--you see it? The vase mailbox.

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07-13-07: common dignity

Married To The Sea comic: common dignity * Text: 

It is little wonder, then, why this great creature failed to continue its lineage: with no ears, it could not sustain a top hat upon its head, and thereby expired from lack of common dignity.

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07-12-07: meth south

Married To The Sea comic: meth south * Text:

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07-11-07: penisflower

Married To The Sea comic: penisflower * Text: 

8====D

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07-10-07: gastric bypass

Married To The Sea comic: gastric bypass * Text: 

Don't ever get a gastric bypass, man. It's gonna take me like four hours to eat this. You watch the Discovery Channel and you think it's going to be real easy...then you get home, and you can't even finish a single duck. Total crap.

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07-09-07: bakery dick

Married To The Sea comic: bakery dick * Text: 

Well, afterI got my Master's in Fine Arts, I didn't immediately get a job as a famous artist, so I figured...why not work at a bakery...and be a dick?

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07-08-07: a head

Married To The Sea comic: a head * Text: 

Guys. Hey! Guys! I found a head! GUYS! HEY IF ANYONE UP THERE DOESN'T HAVE A HEAD. I WILL JUST BE OVER HERE, I HAVE THE HEAD. FOUND IT.

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07-07-07: bird shot

Married To The Sea comic: bird shot * Text: 

Here you go, I shot you a bird. Can we fuck now?

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07-06-07: centigrade

Married To The Sea comic: centigrade * Text: 

Twenty-five degrees centigrade? That's what she said.

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07-05-07: not the coal room

Married To The Sea comic: not the coal room * Text: 

Well, I guess if I had some billiard balls, I'd want to store them in...hmm...NOT THE COAL ROOM.

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07-04-07: WACK

Married To The Sea comic: WACK * Text: 

WACK

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07-03-07: kind of your fault

Married To The Sea comic: kind of your fault * Text: 

Then, when you reach the clearing, bear due east. In five-hundred paces you will reach a rock. The rock will...wait, are you writing this down? You are? Listen...I'm blind as shit, I've just been making this all up. I thought you could tell.


Well, you're the guy who asked an old blind man for directions, so I think it's kind of your fault.

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07-02-07: carillons

Married To The Sea comic: carillons * Text: 

Whatchuuuu


knowwwww


bout


carillonnnnns

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07-01-07: concussion

Married To The Sea comic: concussion * Text: 

Football


The Official Sport of Cocky Motherfuckers Getting Concussions

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Married To The Sea archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec