archives (by month):
2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
the pain! the torture... it is unceasin! I wish for naught but a hard-pack of marlboro lights... naught but the icy hand of the reaper himself!
jean-pierre! make haste! we need those lead ingots now! our guests tonight are from china and they will accept no less than three percent lead in their entrees.
this is a robbery... stay quiet and put the fiat currency on the counter. no alarms or I'll return the united states to the gold standard.
we're almost done... heather, if you'll sign here, and initial here, and larry, sign here, initial here. and this makes the divorce final? no, the divorce was final when you got arrested sucking off a dude in an airport bathroom and had to apologize to your entire state for being a cock-cracked republican hypocrite, larry. the paperwork is just a technicality.
ugh, did someone put salt in here? this is supposed to be a vegan soup! leave the salt to people who aren't ashamed to season their food. idiots.
good bye! watch out ofr that giant boat next to you!
here's your punch, lucy. sorry it took me a few minutes... I slipped a handle of vodka into the punch bowl. you ready to get this party started? ugh, that idiot! I threw a handful of valium into the punch not ten minutes ago. looks like we'll be playing don't breathe your vomit tonight.
another evening well-spent, gentlemen. let's get outta here before they arrest us for murdering that keg.
yes, I'l be having the mutton chops... and for you, waiter, you will be dining on close-shaved pig balls? That's what I should have had. goddamn it.
go on, get out of here, you son of a bitch! get in that V with all your dumbass friends if it's so important. and don't be surprised if there's another duck here when you come back... you ain't exactly an endangered species.
one potato, two potato, small potato, weird potato
the world's first permanent photograph was produced in 1826 by joseph nicephore niepce, a french inventor. his early photographic experiments started in the late 18th century, but were hampered by his persistent failure to remember to remove the lens cap before exposing the plate.
I didn't know you were an ebayer, todd! come back to my desk... lemme show you a little trick I do when I buy stuff on ebay. okay... click positive... and then in the comments, put, like... "seller is agnet of illuminati; item arrived undamaged but monitors my thoughts 24/7. nice packing. a+."
not many people truly appreciate doorways, rick... but, you know, doorways are the caviar of ways.
look! up ahead! an endless expanse of snow! we're saved!
this is the place, men! you see all those broken weebles and shit? dirty legos all over the ground? all daycare-ass-lookin torn-up monopoly money? the babysitter must be near.
miss, your baby is adorable! he's got your creepy eyes.
sir, I'd love to fix your internet connection, but this facility only handles monitoring, tracking, throttling, and writing mean letters to our paying customers. please hold for one moment and I'll transfer you to india.
damn, nurse. you make a motherfucker want to get sick. for real.
oh, sick. i was wondering what that smell was... it's just hot dogs. i'll eat a damn rotten fish head before I eat a hot dog, man. they're made out of tires and shit. you oughta dive down like you're gonna take one... they'll be like, get outta here Todd, this delicious hot dog is all mine! ha! I totally will! watch this... reeee! comin' for your nasty hot dog! I'm gonna eat it!
career finder v1.2 th ank you for completing the survey! here is you list of suggested careers: 81% scientist 78% accounting 75% technical writer 73% guy who collects urine from public bathrooms and pools 71% school teacher press p to print, enter to start test again
don't be so sad, martin! you were only one number away from the powerball jackpot. that's pretty good. never forget that you'll always be my powerball.
cough it up, buddy! those iraqi civilians are going to torture themselves.
I like this one best... option three. option three? that's the one where all the banks start trading debt like it's securities... it'll eventually collapse the entire mortgage market and send the country into a recession. come onnnnnn... option three. option three or you're a pussy.
your offer is generous, craig... I'm just not sure I'm ready to live in a cage in your living room, wear a dog collar, and clean your house in exchange for room and board. I'm sure you'll find someone... perhaps you could start some sort of listing service.
here's that 9/11-truth book I was telling you about. read through the thing, and see if you don't shit, listen, i gotta go. my clouds are on fire.
well, sail's up, ladies... all aboard the S. S. Fish With A Dick.
alcoholism is not a joke
i was fine with the first course of hair soup, helen... but this chicken leg... where do you even buy this stuff? do you own a bunch of stock in, like, gross animal parts limited?
you gonna cook yours? suit yourself... i'm about to do this raw-dog style.
wonder what that smoke is... it looks like... ah, shit, that might be my house! did I leave a candle on? goddamn it. now I'm gonna have to go back and check.
archives (by month):
2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
