archives (by month):
2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
Dinner's ready! Got no taste buds left, so these chickens might kinda suck. Just a heads up.
Sticky-Paper Ages 4-100 Time required: 15 minutes Ingredients: 1 Goat (small) Instructions: 1. Shave it
You don't like raking leaves?! Well, let me ask you something, smart guy...have you ever raked leaves...on Lipitor?
Exercise Conversion Chart 1 mi. run at 6.5 mph: 6 twelve-oz beers 4 short glasses of gin 5 bong-hits (average size) 12 oz. ribeye steak 4 tall glasses of gin
I've got a card! Mine is blank. Cards!
"Apple Computer"? You bought a stock called "Apple"? "Computer"? Hello? Did you forget we're trying to MAKE money here? Sell that shit immediately.
What has two thumbs and puts the "men" into "menstrual cycle"? Give up??
Alo. Do you want...parrot?
FELLOW COMPUTER USERS: LET'S REMINISCE ABOUT THE DAYS WHEN COMPUTERS WERE EXPENSIVE, AND USED FLOPPY DISKS, AND YOU COULD ONLY SHOP WITH THEM IF YOU SOLD THEM AND TOOK THE MONEY TO THE MALL
You're nine?! Brother, I could see your moustache soon as I stepped out of the car. You're one of those man-children, like that Webster or something. You genetic-type people freak me out. Get in the car.
Old People Can Be Retards Too
You know that Critical Mass, that bike thing...you know, right? Well, it's like that...except...check this out...snowboards. Like a traffic protest. But, like...we won't have cars. On the slopes. You know.
You may lost the game, son, but just think of it this way. When you wake up, whose house is going to be burned down? Not ours, I'll tell you that much. I don't want to ruin the surprise, but his initials are Timmy Crawford, and he looks a lot like that giant second-baseman from the other team who knocked you over today.
Washing is wonderful! When I get done with this load, I'm going to take a hundred Advils.
Did you make red in your jeans? Well, listen. Sit down. This happens to everyone. All right. There are pads under the sink. Wear a brassiere. Don't fuck. That should cover it.
Use a pencil. Pens are for fourth-graders and up. If we see you using a pen, we're going to take it. No exceptions, buddy. Paid for by the Counci for No Trapper Keepers
Ed! Over there! An illegal immigrant! If it wasn't for that son of a bitch, I'd be mowing that yard.
Dear cockgoblin, No...that's not right. Too informal. To the cockgoblin it may concern:
Man vs. Machine: 1 left hand vs. 12 weeks paid vacation. Which will prevail?
It appears you have something called "AIDS." The best we can tell, it was caused by that Live Aid concert. Have you heard "We Are The World"? You have? Well, we're guessing that's where you got the AIDS.
Feeling down? I'm gonna buy you a drank. Tell me what you think about that.
Hi! Your insurance just went up.
Laugh it up all you like, Williams. Sooner or later they're going to make one of these cameras so small, you can look up a lady's dress with it. Who's going to be laughing then?
No more gas-station restrooms. Now you can carry your liquified excrement around with you as you travel!
archives (by month):
2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
