Crudbump: Rap & Beats
Married To The Sea archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
 

06-30-07: drink it up holmes

Married To The Sea comic: drink it up holmes * Text: 

This came out of my titties. Drink it up, Holmes.


It smells wonderful.

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06-29-07: going on a crusade

Married To The Sea comic: going on a crusade * Text: 

Hey, we're going on a cruscade. It should only be, like...an hour. You need anything while I'm in Jerusalem?


Nah, I think I'm good. See you in a bit.

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06-28-07: bulbophon

Married To The Sea comic: bulbophon * Text: 

BULB


BULB


BULB


Although it produced a unique and particularly sonorous timbre, the inventor of the Bulbophon, Chester Chambers of Pittsburg, later disavowed the instrument, claiming he

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06-27-07: cell phone grain

Married To The Sea comic: cell phone grain * Text: 

I mean, I can, if you really want me to that badly. Here.


Looks like your cell phone...weighs...less than a pile of grain.

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06-26-07: talking machine

Married To The Sea comic: talking machine * Text: 

Hello. One two three. By the time you listen to this cylinder, I will be gone. Do not worry about our children, as I have sold them to a man up the road. You always liked this talking machine more than you liked me, so I shall leave you alone with it. Farewell. P.S. What are the big circles on top.

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06-25-07: horseback marathon

Married To The Sea comic: horseback marathon * Text: 

This rules ass. I can't believe that none of us thought to do the marathon on horseback until just this year.

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06-24-07: twisted knee

Married To The Sea comic: twisted knee * Text: 

Heh. I ain't running till they invent orthopedic medicine. Fuck a twisted knee. Y'all have a blast.

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06-23-07: local music rules

Married To The Sea comic: local music rules * Text: 

Local music RUUULESSSSS!!! WOOOOO

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06-22-07: lesbian marriage

Married To The Sea comic: lesbian marriage * Text: 

Oh, don't worry too much, Emmaline. I'll bet you dollars to dimes that lesbian marriage will be legal by next year. Texas can't make us all ignorant forever, can they?

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06-21-07: ruler smack

Married To The Sea comic: ruler smack * Text: 

Here you go. Your very own cross. Keep it clean, and don't defile it, or I'll ruler-sack you till your eyes bleed.

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06-20-07: figs and olives

Married To The Sea comic: figs and olives * Text: 

They'll never believe you, Romanticus. How would we ever eat enough figs and olives to keep throwing up? Just because you write it down doesn't make it true.


What if they don't have figs and olives in the future? They won't know how nasty this shit is. They'll be like, hey, I bet those olives were awesome. They'll be all looking around for old seeds, trying to grow some olives.

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06-19-07: salty fisherman

Married To The Sea comic: salty fisherman * Text: 

Seein' as this is your first time on board, I'll treat you to a Salty Fisherman. If you've never tried one, this'll be a treat. Hold this glass of rum. That's the fisherman. I'll go into the hold and shake out a sturgeon for the salty.

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06-18-07: cook your own

Married To The Sea comic: cook your own * Text: 

All right, got everything here...egg...prongs...spoon...grater. The meat...where's the meat? I don't seem to have any - wait, what's Mary cooking?


... Oh. Oh, my lord. I do believe the final challenge is to cook your own foot.

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06-17-07: dennis

Married To The Sea comic: dennis * Text: 

Dear Lord...may your kindness have mercy upon the men fated to work this horrific man-made device, and I beseech thee to ensure that it spares the lives of my countrymen today. Well, thou could kill just one guy, that would be okay. If it pleases thee, I shall make a suggestion. Dennis.

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06-16-07: pope shocker

Married To The Sea comic: pope shocker * Text: 

How do you know


When a joke has been completely destroyed through repetition?


Heh heh. Shockerrrr.


A: When the pope thinks it's funny.

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06-15-07: hot dog cake

Married To The Sea comic: hot dog cake * Text: 

There, there, Bradford. You can always have another daughter, and two more sons. Isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never accidentally killed all three of your children?


Have a piece of hot dog cake.

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06-14-07: will

Married To The Sea comic: will * Text: 

And to my beloved grandson, I hearby will my shitty old teeth.

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06-13-07: escarole potard

Married To The Sea comic: escarole potard * Text: 

L'ESCAROLE POTARD


1898


CrabWine


Drink somberly


Potard & ons, Montreal, PQ

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06-12-07: hey composer your inventions blow

Married To The Sea comic: hey composer your inventions blow * Text: 

Oh, so you think you're real funny, huh? Well, listen, buddy. At least I finish my symphonies.

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06-11-07: just be cool

Married To The Sea comic: just be cool * Text: 

Listen, Harry...are you sure you wanna climb up Buddha? It just seems like a bad idea. People start wars over that kinda stuff.


Well, the thing is...Buddha would be cool with it. He'd be like, you know...go ahead and climb up my statue. It's all right. Just be cool.


Oh, yeah, I forgot. Don't harm living things, don't steal, no immoral boning, don't lie, don't take drugs, and just be cool.

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06-10-07: wi fi connection

Married To The Sea comic: wi fi connection * Text: 

Fear not, mine beautiful maiden. I shall find you a wi-fi connection anon.

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06-09-07: shower without joy

Married To The Sea comic: shower without joy * Text: 

Finally...


SHOWER WIHTOUT JOY


Send 10 cents to Shoulder Sprinklers, Box 64, Boston, Mass. Include irritating New England accent.

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06-08-07: show tunes

Married To The Sea comic: show tunes * Text: 

Creationist believe that God hates show tunes. Evolutionists believe that show tunes are a natural way for the sick and feeble-minded to identify each other. Which group is right?


A: Both.

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06-07-07: unhand me at once

Married To The Sea comic: unhand me at once * Text: 

Unhand me at once, wastrel! I know nothing of your beef, let alone where you might have left it last.

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06-06-07: drug resistant

Married To The Sea comic: drug resistant * Text: 

Faster! Horse, faster! If I don't spread this drug-resistant tuberculosis to at least twenty people by sundown, I'm gonna owe Lucretia twenty bucks.

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06-05-07: cause of death

Married To The Sea comic: cause of death * Text: 

Secretary, please record the cause of death as

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06-04-07: every shitty bar

Married To The Sea comic: every shitty bar * Text: 

And this group I'm in now, it's a seven-piece. We have three keyboard players. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. You guys should come check it out. We play...well...we play at every shitty bar in town, as a matter of fact.

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06-03-07: horse spirit

Married To The Sea comic: horse spirit * Text: 

horse


Horse. A horse is what stepped on your father, because he was impure of spirit. H... O... R... S... E.

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06-02-07: turpentine dysentery

Married To The Sea comic: turpentine dysentery * Text: 

I shouldn't be smoking around turpentine? Seriously? Listen, dude...let's make a deal. You stop coming over and telling me how to paint, and I'll stop laughing every time you get dystentery.

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06-01-07: online dwarf mage

Married To The Sea comic: online dwarf mage * Text: 

Look! Look at me, I'm washing myself! If this works the way I've planned, I should be able to exchange this skill for a 90th-level online dwarf mage.

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Married To The Sea archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec