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archives (by month): 2012: jan . feb 2011: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec 2010: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec 2009: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec 2008: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec 2007: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec 2006: feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec |
Did you know... The brain on the right is the same size as the brain on the left. It is simply farther away.
Garcon! Garcon. Merci. Merci bonjour. Listen...that statue...it is horrible. It is garish. When I look at it...my mouth is dry. Take it away. Send it to America or something.
I'm glad you asked. In fact, my next album will be composed solely from the sound of my lawn mower. There will be no sampling...the mower is beautiful in its natural state.
Let's see...grasshopper...worm thing...messed up butterfly...oof. Slim pickings. I guess I'll just grab this tiny bat.
You are drifting in and out of consciousness. In and out. Any moment now, you'll stop thinking about that girl from the hypnotist trade show last year, and slip into a blissful, restful sleep. Now you're a fish, flop around-- Dammit! You are drifting in and out of consciousness.
Come on...it's time to go. I'll help you. Just sliiide on out. Everyone else is out here. You can do it. No! I...I'm going to grad school! Leave me alone!
You can't put your hair up with a chopstick? You have to be kidding me. You're like an American who can't get fat.
And here's another thing. Look. You see that water? Where's it falling from? We have no way of explaining that. Not with science. There's no...I mean, look in a book. Does a book say where the water came from? No. Think about it. Well, I think it might be coming from a river. Ha! Ha! Isaac, did you hear that? He thinks there's a river, all the way up there, in those rocks. Next he'll be telling us that matter is mostly composed of empty space.
BREAKING NEWS It gets hot in the summer
The men fought bravely, but the truth remained: If you want to kill a swarm of locusts, you'd better have nunchucks.
And in that very lab, on that humid July night in 1904, William O. Tompkins performed the first successful synthesis of water, thereby beginning life on Earth.
A telephone call? I'll be there in a moment. Let me finish up this circle. Well, tell him that it'll only be a semi-circle unless I can finish.
I think it's bizarre. When we were courting, nobody had anything nice to say. They'd look at me like, "why don't you go back to the forest." But now that we're married, we go to the market and everyone thinks it's cute. Life if I got a wife I won't eat their ass. Please.
So...do you guys just want to ford the river? Um...no, Rainbow-Deer-Whatever...I thought we were going to take the ferry. Nah, it looks safe to me. I'm gonna save my three bucks. All right...but, seriously, if you die, I'm gonna put on your tombstone 'here lies rainbow dude / peperoni and chease.'
Would you look at that. I'm on my own damn table, holding some branches or something. Statue of myself! Bring me a piece of cheese!
Hear ye! A gaol-industriall complexe has ensnared our hart
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT YOUR LIFE It's okay
So...you don't want a helmet? Oh, no. Heavens, no, I'm a Christian Scientist. If this pipe doesn't save me, then we'll know I wasn't truly pure of heart.
Ma'am, can you wait here for a moment? I'm getting spectacular readings from my helmet. What does it say? It...hold on...here it is again. Yes, clear as a bell, it says you need to sit on my lap for at least an hour.
Am I going to need a hatchet? The sheet said I'd just need a wooden pole. Some one better tell me what's going on, or this is going in my blog.
You sons of bitches have exactly ten seconds to give me my hat back. Ten. I mean it. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Take off your hats and see how it feels. Five. It feels bad.
MAKE YOUR CHOICE! Will you go to heaven...or will you go...over there?
Blood Diamonds ...Get 'em while they're still cruel!
O! So...sleepy...barely able to hold knife...boob flopping out...yet I must continue to observe this infernal television marathon. Network, hast thou no pity?
You know what? The next time my grandpa starts off on some shit about how great everything used to be, I'm just going to be like...how about those old dirty rocks, grandpa? How about when you didn't have ice cubes so if you wanted a cold drink you had to put some old rocks in it. Oh, and the earth was a half a degree colder back then, ooooh. Nice one, grandpa.
You cheater! You're nothing but a dirty cheat! What? What on earth are you talking about? You used a refresher program to get so many fans. You aren't really popular. I'm the queen, you fucking retard. Do you want to get decapitated?
You fools! Turn off that phonograph at once! You already owe the recording industry six thousands for dancing to a non-dance-approved cylinder.
MAN CELL PHONES SUCK PRETTY BAD NO SHIT MAN WHAT THE HELL KIND OF FARMER NEEDS A CELL PHONE YEAH WHAT IS HE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ON IT ANYWAY OH HELP I JUST CUT MY ARM OFF COME GET ME I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME GIANT FIELD
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Merry Christmas from... the Republicans! Let's Keep It Like This Forever, Except With A White Guy, and More Kids
Okay, think. Crossing the street. Fan down...no, fan up...pinky out. Look straight ahead and...wait, should my fan be closed? Shit. This is retarded. What was so bad about the Dark Ages? At least you could get your pussy ate back then.
archives (by month):
2012: jan . feb
2011: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2010: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2009: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2008: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2007: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2006: feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2012: jan . feb
2011: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2010: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2009: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2008: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2007: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2006: feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
