archives (by month):

2013: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun
2012: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2011: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2010: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2009: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2008: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2007: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2006: feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec 		 
Married To The Sea comic: purple drank * Text: Here you are, Uncle... shhhhhhh. Sip it slowly. It's some purple drank. It taste good. Now lean... there you go. That's better.
09-30-08

purple drank
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Married To The Sea comic: first movie review * Text: Whoa, those pictures are moving! Holy shit! Five out of five stars! Would watch again.
09-29-08

first movie review
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Married To The Sea comic: picnics suck * Text: Here, Matthew... take a couple of sandy olives. They taste great with the sandy crabs. And when you finish your lunch, I'll cut you a piece of sandy apply pie!
09-28-08

picnics suck
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Married To The Sea comic: lottery numbers * Text: LOTTERY Here you go, ma'am. It's best if you play these same numbers every week. Keep in mind what'll happen if you're watching the news and they show your numbers... you get all excited like,
09-27-08

lottery numbers
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Married To The Sea comic: puff piece * Text: No need to sweat, honey! This is gonna be a puff piece. Something nice to take our viewers' minds off the war and all that. You just act natural and we'll do the rest. STOP COMMUNIST HAT? Tonight's top story: Are communists using crossing guards to spread propaganda to our children?
09-26-08

puff piece
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Married To The Sea comic: dutch oven * Text: Heh heh. Dutch oven.
09-25-08

dutch oven
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Married To The Sea comic: interview over lunch * Text: Where do I see myself in five years? Right now, I'm seeing myself in your office... standing over your body, revolver in hand... I pull my resume out of your filing cabinet, slowly crumple it, and drop it onto your mangled corpse. Then I'm like
09-24-08

interview over lunch
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Married To The Sea comic: country and ragtime * Text: You know anything good? I like pretty much everything... well, everything except country and ragtime.
09-23-08

country and ragtime
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Married To The Sea comic: lifes easy * Text: Life's easy, huh, dog? Hang out, eat some leftovers, run around, pant, hump a little... no washing, no cooking. But, hey, at least we look like God. That helps.
09-22-08

lifes easy
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Married To The Sea comic: pick m up * Text: WINNER: Nobel Prize in Physics, 2014 Theodore Rasmussen Rasmussen worked for two decades on alternative energy solutions, finally discovering in 2010 that dogs shit 160% of their feed mass. He is credited with solving the world's energy crisis through this discover, and dog-shit power plants now supply 97% of the world's electricity. Rasmussen is also the inventor of the PICK-M-UP, the world's first personal protection system designed to protect the user's clothes from dog-shit.
09-21-08

pick m up
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Married To The Sea comic: no other choice * Text: I'd always hoped I'd never have to make this call, but now, I have no other choice. 502-1100 - Coffee Guy Call me when you run out of coffee
09-20-08

no other choice
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Married To The Sea comic: night ranger cassette * Text: 1984: Ray Goldman, Canada's famous blind swimmer, perished while training on the Niagara River. While it was initially unknown how he failed to hear the falls as he approached, authorities later discovered a battered waterproof Walkman at the base of the falls, with a still-intact Night Ranger cassette tape inside. Mo-tor-in'! What's your price for fliiight
09-19-08

night ranger cassette
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Married To The Sea comic: job worth doing * Text: Keep 'er moving, Linda... you know what they say. Any job worth doing is worth doing 8,369 times a day.
09-18-08

job worth doing
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Married To The Sea comic: chickenguard * Text: Oh, no! Chicken attack! This doesn't have to happen! 40? CHICKENGUARD Write to Chickenguard, Columbus O. Specify M-L-XL.
09-17-08

chickenguard
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Married To The Sea comic: how to deliver a parcel * Text: Wrong Right RACKA- TACKA- TACKA- TACKA- TACKA-
09-16-08

how to deliver a parcel
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Married To The Sea comic: chicago manual of style * Text: Ignore his cries, men! This fool has brazenly ignored the Chicago Manual of Style rules concerning footnotes for too long! Aaaaah! Stop!
09-15-08

chicago manual of style
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Married To The Sea comic: imprinted * Text: It was so nice of you to win this for me, Don! My son loves stuffed animals! I left him alone with the television for years when he was younger, and now he's all imprinted on cartoon animals. Not five minutes after I get this in the door, he's gonna cut a hole in it and hump 'till he bleeds.
09-14-08

imprinted
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Married To The Sea comic: house rehab * Text: Hey, folks! I'm Steven. Welcome to House Rehab! Today, we're gonna give up, tear the shit down, and build a brand new house! Follow me!
09-13-08

house rehab
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Married To The Sea comic: league play only * Text: Hey! Dude! Stop casting! We're in the middle of a game. Pool's reserved for league play only until 3pm. If you wanna fish, come back at 3.
09-12-08

league play only
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Married To The Sea comic: keep trying to matador me * Text: Listen, Jose, let's work something out. I can't find any fish... you can't find a bull... why don't you hook a bird up with some herring and I'll see if I can pull some strings down at the zoo. Or, you know, you could keep trying to matador me. Which has obviously been working out great so far.
09-11-08

keep trying to matador me
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Married To The Sea comic: blessing this dude * Text: Hey, dad, I'm back from the -- Whoa, didn't mean to interrupt you! I'll be in the kitchen. Oh! Didn't see you there. I'm blessing this dude. Name of the father, may you have a good harvest, amen. Yeah, well next time you wanna bless someone, can you put a scrunchie on the door or something?
09-10-08

blessing this dude
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Married To The Sea comic: left hand shake * Text: Left-Hand Shake Now I know you're cool.
09-09-08

left hand shake
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Married To The Sea comic: an apple for me * Text: An apple for me? Thank you, darling! Your generosity is outstanding! I shall pay you back five-fold... Would you like a job in my factory?
09-08-08

an apple for me
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Married To The Sea comic: european vacation * Text: ROME PARIS What's your budget like? Two thousand dollars? I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but that's only four or five Euros. Have you considered a trip within the United States? Chicago's nice this time of year... Ha, ha! No, I wasn't being serious... I usually only recommend my clients go to Chicago during the month of never.
09-07-08

european vacation
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Married To The Sea comic: 10 PRINT SHIT FUCK CRAP 20 GOTO 10 * Text:
09-06-08

10 PRINT SHIT FUCK CRAP 20 GOTO 10
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Married To The Sea comic: chinese table tennis * Text: It's no use, Frank. We'll never beat the Chinese at table tennis. We'll never sleep ten to a bedroom, either, so chin up, buddy.
09-05-08

chinese table tennis
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Married To The Sea comic: almost out of ink * Text: To Whom It May Concern: My pen is almost out of ink. Sincerely
09-04-08

almost out of ink
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Married To The Sea comic: private investigator * Text: Hello? This is Lisa, from the private investigator's office. We've been watching your husband for almost a month now, and as it turns out, he's simply been working late. It seemed strange to me, too, but he's been out there, ten, eleven o'clock, working with his landscaping crew. Yes, it's really the best-case scenario, and I'm glad we've been able to put your mind at ease. Uh-huh. You too. Goodbye. You almost ready, baby? I got paid today... let's hit the Doubletree.
09-03-08

private investigator
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Married To The Sea comic: coast guard * Text: THIS IS THE COAST GUARD! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM DOWN THERE! Did you call the coast guard?! Well, I looked for the River Guard, and there was no such thing... looked for the Wife Makes You Go Canoeing Every Stupid Weekend Guard, and didn't find anything... who else was I supposed to call? Game starts in an hour.
09-02-08

coast guard
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Married To The Sea comic: fixer upper * Text: FOR SALE Fixer-Upper! I love the location, but we'll need to change alot... For starters, how does anyone make do with only four bedrooms? No garage... no central vacuum system? Honestly. Maybe we can get M/I to demo the whole thing and just build something new.
09-01-08

fixer upper
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archives (by month):

2013: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun
2012: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2011: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2010: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2009: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2008: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2007: jan . feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec
2006: feb . mar . apr . may . jun . jul . aug . sep . oct . nov . dec