Superpoop: 2014
Married To The Sea archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
 

09-30-08: purple drank

Married To The Sea comic: purple drank * Text: Here you are, Uncle... shhhhhhh. Sip it slowly. It's some purple drank. It taste good. Now lean... there you go. That's better.

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09-29-08: first movie review

Married To The Sea comic: first movie review * Text: Whoa, those pictures are moving! Holy shit! Five out of five stars! Would watch again.

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09-28-08: picnics suck

Married To The Sea comic: picnics suck * Text: Here, Matthew... take a couple of sandy olives. They taste great with the sandy crabs. And when you finish your lunch, I'll cut you a piece of sandy apply pie!

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09-27-08: lottery numbers

Married To The Sea comic: lottery numbers * Text: 

LOTTERY


Here you go, ma'am. It's best if you play these same numbers every week. Keep in mind what'll happen if you're watching the news and they show your numbers... you get all excited like,

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09-26-08: puff piece

Married To The Sea comic: puff piece * Text: 

No need to sweat, honey! This is gonna be a puff piece. Something nice to take our viewers' minds off the war and all that. You just act natural and we'll do the rest.


STOP


COMMUNIST HAT?


Tonight's top story: Are communists using crossing guards to spread propaganda to our children?

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09-25-08: dutch oven

Married To The Sea comic: dutch oven * Text: 

Heh heh. Dutch oven.

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09-24-08: interview over lunch

Married To The Sea comic: interview over lunch * Text: 

Where do I see myself in five years? Right now, I'm seeing myself in your office... standing over your body, revolver in hand... I pull my resume out of your filing cabinet, slowly crumple it, and drop it onto your mangled corpse. Then I'm like

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09-23-08: country and ragtime

Married To The Sea comic: country and ragtime * Text: 

You know anything good? I like pretty much everything... well, everything except country and ragtime.

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09-22-08: lifes easy

Married To The Sea comic: lifes easy * Text: 

Life's easy, huh, dog? Hang out, eat some leftovers, run around, pant, hump a little... no washing, no cooking. But, hey, at least we look like God. That helps.

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09-21-08: pick m up

Married To The Sea comic: pick m up * Text: 

WINNER: Nobel Prize in Physics, 2014


Theodore Rasmussen


Rasmussen worked for two decades on alternative energy solutions, finally discovering in 2010 that dogs shit 160% of their feed mass. He is credited with solving the world's energy crisis through this discover, and dog-shit power plants now supply 97% of the world's electricity.


Rasmussen is also the inventor of the PICK-M-UP, the world's first personal protection system designed to protect the user's clothes from dog-shit.

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09-20-08: no other choice

Married To The Sea comic: no other choice * Text: 

I'd always hoped I'd never have to make this call, but now, I have no other choice.


502-1100 - Coffee Guy
Call me when you run out of coffee

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09-19-08: night ranger cassette

Married To The Sea comic: night ranger cassette * Text: 

1984: Ray Goldman, Canada's famous blind swimmer, perished while training on the Niagara River. While it was initially unknown how he failed to hear the falls as he approached, authorities later discovered a battered waterproof Walkman at the base of the falls, with a still-intact Night Ranger cassette tape inside.


Mo-tor-in'! What's your price for fliiight

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09-18-08: job worth doing

Married To The Sea comic: job worth doing * Text: 

Keep 'er moving, Linda... you know what they say. Any job worth doing is worth doing 8,369 times a day.

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09-17-08: chickenguard

Married To The Sea comic: chickenguard * Text: 

Oh, no! Chicken attack!


This doesn't have to happen!


40?


CHICKENGUARD


Write to Chickenguard, Columbus O. Specify M-L-XL.

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09-16-08: how to deliver a parcel

Married To The Sea comic: how to deliver a parcel * Text: 

Wrong


Right


RACKA-
TACKA-
TACKA-
TACKA-
TACKA-

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09-15-08: chicago manual of style

Married To The Sea comic: chicago manual of style * Text: 

Ignore his cries, men! This fool has brazenly ignored the Chicago Manual of Style rules concerning footnotes for too long!


Aaaaah! Stop!

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09-14-08: imprinted

Married To The Sea comic: imprinted * Text: 

It was so nice of you to win this for me, Don! My son loves stuffed animals! I left him alone with the television for years when he was younger, and now he's all imprinted on cartoon animals. Not five minutes after I get this in the door, he's gonna cut a hole in it and hump 'till he bleeds.

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09-13-08: house rehab

Married To The Sea comic: house rehab * Text: 

Hey, folks! I'm Steven. 
Welcome to House Rehab!
Today, we're gonna give up, tear the shit down, and build a brand new house! Follow me!

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09-12-08: league play only

Married To The Sea comic: league play only * Text: 

Hey! Dude! Stop casting! We're in the middle of a game. Pool's reserved for league play only until 3pm. If you wanna fish, come back at 3.

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09-11-08: keep trying to matador me

Married To The Sea comic: keep trying to matador me * Text: 

Listen, Jose, let's work something out. I can't find any fish... you can't find a bull... why don't you hook a bird up with some herring and I'll see if I can pull some strings down at the zoo.


Or, you know, you could keep trying to matador me. Which has obviously been working out great so far.

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09-10-08: blessing this dude

Married To The Sea comic: blessing this dude * Text: 

Hey, dad, I'm back from the -- Whoa, didn't mean to interrupt you! I'll be in the kitchen.


Oh! Didn't see you there. I'm blessing this dude. Name of the father, may you have a good harvest, amen.


Yeah, well next time you wanna bless someone, can you put a scrunchie on the door or something?

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09-09-08: left hand shake

Married To The Sea comic: left hand shake * Text: 

Left-Hand Shake


Now I know you're cool.

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09-08-08: an apple for me

Married To The Sea comic: an apple for me * Text: 

An apple for me? Thank you, darling! Your generosity is outstanding! I shall pay you back five-fold... Would you like a job in my factory?

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09-07-08: european vacation

Married To The Sea comic: european vacation * Text: 

ROME


PARIS


What's your budget like? Two thousand dollars? I'm sorry to be the one to break this to you, but that's only four or five Euros.


Have you considered a trip within the United States? Chicago's nice this time of year...


Ha, ha! No, I wasn't being serious... I usually only recommend my clients go to Chicago during the month of never.

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09-06-08: 10 PRINT SHIT FUCK CRAP 20 GOTO 10

Married To The Sea comic: 10 PRINT SHIT FUCK CRAP 20 GOTO 10 * Text:

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09-05-08: chinese table tennis

Married To The Sea comic: chinese table tennis * Text: 

It's no use, Frank. We'll never beat the Chinese at table tennis.


We'll never sleep ten to a bedroom, either, so chin up, buddy.

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09-04-08: almost out of ink

Married To The Sea comic: almost out of ink * Text: 

To Whom It May Concern:
My pen is almost out of ink.



Sincerely

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09-03-08: private investigator

Married To The Sea comic: private investigator * Text: 

Hello? This is Lisa, from the private investigator's office. We've been watching your husband for almost a month now, and as it turns out, he's simply been working late. It seemed strange to me, too, but he's been out there, ten, eleven o'clock, working with his landscaping crew.


Yes, it's really the best-case scenario, and I'm glad we've been able to put your mind at ease. Uh-huh. You too. Goodbye.


You almost ready, baby? I got paid today... let's hit the Doubletree.

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09-02-08: coast guard

Married To The Sea comic: coast guard * Text: 

THIS IS THE COAST GUARD!
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM DOWN THERE!


Did you call the coast guard?!


Well, I looked for the River Guard, and there was no such thing... looked for the Wife Makes You Go Canoeing Every Stupid Weekend Guard, and didn't find anything... who else was I supposed to call? Game starts in an hour.

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09-01-08: fixer upper

Married To The Sea comic: fixer upper * Text: 

FOR SALE
Fixer-Upper!


I love the location, but we'll need to change alot... For starters, how does anyone make do with only four bedrooms? No garage... no central vacuum system? Honestly. Maybe we can get M/I to demo the whole thing and just build something new.

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Married To The Sea archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec